Article offers advice on coping with older children living at home

It’s not that a growing number of adult children are choosing to live with their parents.

It’s that parents are letting their sons and daughters move back in, or never leave in the first place.

A recent article on the website empoweringparents.com cited a study showing that almost 53 percent of 18- to 24-year-olds in the United States live with mom and dad, or one of them. In the article, counselor and coach Debbie Pincus offers advice on coping with this situation.

“Whether your child is contributing his fair share or driving you up the wall with irresponsibility and attitude, you’re bound to lock horns from time to time,” she writes (https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/adult-children-living-at-home-how-to-manage-without-going-crazy/). “If your child is controlling your house, then you are allowing yourself to be controlled.

“Older children end up at home with their parents for many different reasons. Sometimes they want to get their nest built financially, so they come home to save money and secure their future. Other kids are coming home, or have never left in the first place, because they really can’t make it out there on their own. For one reason or another, they haven’t developed the maturity to launch successfully.”

Pincus makes the point that with adult children who fall into the latter category, parents must walk a fine line.

“There’s an important difference between helping and over-functioning,” according to the author. “Helping your older child means doing something for him he can’t do himself, such as driving him somewhere when he has a broken leg. Over-functioning means you’re taking responsibility for things he can do for himself, like doing his laundry and cleaning up his messes after he’s had friends over. Perhaps that pattern started years ago or maybe it began when he moved back home. The bad news is that when you over-function you’re allowing the negative behaviors to continue; the good news is that it’s in your control to change the situation.

“What I recommend is to have a plan of action with your child. The message can be, ‘You’re not just here for good. We’re going to help you, but the goal is for you to get on your feet.’ Having a goal in mind is important because it will ensure that your child’s stay back home doesn’t drag on forever.”